Welcome to Shitty Advice Now™

Where Common Sense Is Rare and Sarcasm Is Free!

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Shitty Advice Now, the official home of Professor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III — distinguished scholar, professional smart-mouth, founder of the USA — University of Shitty Advice, and a man who has dedicated his life to answering one of humanity's greatest mysteries:

How in the world have some people managed to survive this long making such incredibly stupid decisions?

Here at Shitty Advice Now, we believe life is full of questionable choices, spectacular failures, and people who desperately need a little common sense. Unfortunately, common sense isn't nearly as common as the name suggests.

That's where the Professor comes in.

Armed with a sharp tongue, questionable patience, and an extraordinary talent for exposing human foolishness, the Professor delivers hilariously terrible advice followed by something increasingly difficult to find these days — genuinely good advice.

Because sometimes the best way to teach someone a valuable lesson is to show them just how ridiculous the alternative really is.

The Professor's Official Merchandise Collection

Now you can take the Professor's legendary sarcasm wherever you go!

Explore our exclusive collection of T-shirts, hoodies, coffee mugs, hats, bumper stickers, and other merchandise featuring the Professor's signature, memorable insults, outrageous observations, and unforgettable words of questionable wisdom.

Whether you're shopping for yourself, searching for the perfect gift for a friend with questionable judgment, or simply looking for a coffee mug to help you survive another morning surrounded by idiots, we've got something for you.

USA — University of Shitty Advice

"We can't fix stupid, but we can damn sure give it a diploma."

Show your school spirit with official University of Shitty Advice merchandise. From student apparel to graduation gifts, our university collection lets you proudly represent an institution dedicated to the study of human stupidity and the fine art of giving spectacularly terrible advice.

No extraordinary intelligence required. A sense of humor is highly recommended.

A Final Word From the Professor

"My dear friends, I've spent years observing people make decisions so spectacularly foolish that I'm genuinely amazed some of them are permitted to operate a toaster without supervision.

But I've learned something important along the way.

You can't eliminate stupidity. You can't always correct it. And apparently, pointing it out at family gatherings makes everyone uncomfortable.

So I've decided to do the next best thing.

Put it on merchandise and sell it to people who appreciate a good laugh.

Now browse the store, find something you like, and for once in your life, make a decision you won't regret."

— Professor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III

Founder of Shitty Advice Now and Chancellor of the USA — University of Shitty Advice

SHITTY ADVICE NOW™

Bad Advice. Good Advice. Absolutely No Shortage of Sarcasm.

Have You Asked the Professor?