{"title":"Shitty Advice Now","description":"\u003ch1 data-pm-slice=\"1 1 []\"\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWelcome to Shitty Advice Now™\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h1\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhere Common Sense Is Rare and Sarcasm Is Free!\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWelcome, ladies and gentlemen, to \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003eShitty Advice Now\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cspan\u003e, the official home of Professor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III — distinguished scholar, professional smart-mouth, founder of the USA — University of Shitty Advice, and a man who has dedicated his life to answering one of humanity's greatest mysteries:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHow in the world have some people managed to survive this long making such incredibly stupid decisions?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHere at Shitty Advice Now, we believe life is full of questionable choices, spectacular failures, and people who desperately need a little common sense. Unfortunately, common sense isn't nearly as common as the name suggests.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThat's where the Professor comes in.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eArmed with a sharp tongue, questionable patience, and an extraordinary talent for exposing human foolishness, the Professor delivers hilariously terrible advice followed by something increasingly difficult to find these days — genuinely good advice.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBecause sometimes the best way to teach someone a valuable lesson is to show them just how ridiculous the alternative really is.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe Professor's Official Merchandise Collection\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNow you can take the Professor's legendary sarcasm wherever you go!\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eExplore our exclusive collection of T-shirts, hoodies, coffee mugs, hats, bumper stickers, and other merchandise featuring the Professor's signature, memorable insults, outrageous observations, and unforgettable words of questionable wisdom.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhether you're shopping for yourself, searching for the perfect gift for a friend with questionable judgment, or simply looking for a coffee mug to help you survive another morning surrounded by idiots, we've got something for you.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eUSA — University of Shitty Advice\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\"We can't fix stupid, but we can damn sure give it a diploma.\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eShow your school spirit with official University of Shitty Advice merchandise. From student apparel to graduation gifts, our university collection lets you proudly represent an institution dedicated to the study of human stupidity and the fine art of giving spectacularly terrible advice.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNo extraordinary intelligence required. A sense of humor is highly recommended.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003e\u003cspan\u003eA Final Word From the Professor\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\"My dear friends, I've spent years observing people make decisions so spectacularly foolish that I'm genuinely amazed some of them are permitted to operate a toaster without supervision.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBut I've learned something important along the way.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou can't eliminate stupidity. You can't always correct it. And apparently, pointing it out at family gatherings makes everyone uncomfortable.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSo I've decided to do the next best thing.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePut it on merchandise and sell it to people who appreciate a good laugh.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNow browse the store, find something you like, and for once in your life, make a decision you won't regret.\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003e— Professor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFounder of Shitty Advice Now and Chancellor of the USA — University of Shitty Advice\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv\u003e\u003chr\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSHITTY ADVICE NOW™\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBad Advice. Good Advice. Absolutely No Shortage of Sarcasm.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHave You Asked the Professor?\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"shitty-advice-now-usa-graphic-hoodie","title":"Shitty Advice Now USA Graphic Hoodie","description":"\u003ctable id=\"size-guide\" style=\"min-width:360px;\"\u003e\n            \u003cthead\u003e\n                \u003ctr\u003e\n                    \u003cth style=\"padding:10px;\"\u003e\u003c\/th\u003e\n                    \u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eS\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eM\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth 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style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            28.75 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            29.75 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            30.75 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            31.75 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            32.75 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                    \u003c\/tr\u003e\n               \n            \u003c\/tbody\u003e\n        \u003c\/table\u003e\n        \u003ch2\u003eShitty Advice Now — The Professor's Official Hoodie\u003c\/h2\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBecause Being Surrounded by Idiots Is Exhausting. You May as Well Be Comfortable.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCongratulations, you magnificent genius. You've finally made a decision that doesn't require adult supervision.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIntroducing the official \u003cstrong\u003eShitty Advice Now Hoodie\u003c\/strong\u003e, featuring the legendary Professor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III — a man who has dedicated his life to studying stupidity, exposing foolish decisions, and wondering how half the population manages to get dressed without written instructions.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Front:\u003c\/strong\u003e Features the Professor himself alongside the Shitty Advice Now logo. A distinguished gentleman with an extraordinary talent for identifying questionable intelligence before its owner even opens their mouth.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Back:\u003c\/strong\u003e Features the bold USA — University of Shitty Advice design, proudly representing the world's finest institution of questionable education and spectacularly bad advice.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAvailable in multiple colors, this hoodie is perfect for:\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAttending classes at the University of Shitty Advice.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSurviving family gatherings without losing your patience.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSitting through meetings that could've been an email.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eKeeping warm while watching society make one ridiculous decision after another.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eLetting the world know you've officially had enough of everybody's nonsense.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhether you're a student, graduate, faculty member, or simply an exhausted observer of human stupidity, this hoodie belongs in your wardrobe.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Professor's Final Advice:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"Life is full of people who make astonishingly foolish decisions. You can't avoid them, you can't educate most of them, and apparently correcting their behavior is considered impolite. So you might as well be comfortable while dealing with their nonsense.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eShitty Advice Now™\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eWear it proudly. Intelligence is optional. Sarcasm is mandatory.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOfficial Merchandise of Professor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III and the USA — University of Shitty Advice.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Soft 80% cotton and 20% polyester blend made from specially spun fibers\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Medium-heavy 9.4 oz\/yd² (320 g\/m²) fabric\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Relaxed pullover fit with drop-shoulder construction\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Self-fabric-lined hood, kangaroo pocket, and ribbed sleeve cuffs\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Preshrunk design with a tear-away label for added comfort\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Do not bleach\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Line dry\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Do not iron\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- 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style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            8.23 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            8.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            8.74 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            9.02 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            9.25 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            9.49 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                    \u003c\/tr\u003e\n               \n                    \u003ctr\u003e\n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            Size tolerance, in\n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                    \u003c\/tr\u003e\n               \n            \u003c\/tbody\u003e\n        \u003c\/table\u003e\n        \u003ch1\u003eUSA — University of Shitty Advice\u003c\/h1\u003e\u003ch2\u003eOfficial University T-Shirt — Multiple Colors Available\u003c\/h2\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eShow Your School Spirit. Wear Your Sarcasm. Earn Your Diploma!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWelcome to the \u003cstrong\u003eUniversity of Shitty Advice\u003c\/strong\u003e, where common sense is optional, sarcasm is practically a required course, and Professor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III is dedicated to educating the world's most entertaining minds! Whether you're a proud student, an aspiring graduate, or someone who simply appreciates a good laugh, this official university T-shirt is the perfect way to show your school spirit with a little attitude.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDisclaimer\u003c\/strong\u003e:\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Due to the fabric properties, the White color variant may appear off-white rather than bright white.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Sleeve prints and neck labels are produced using DTF (Direct-to-Film) printing technology. This applies only to products fulfilled by the print providers OPT OnDemand and Shirt Monkey among the providers offering this item.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: Made with 100% ring-spun cotton, the Gildan 64000 from the Gildan Softstyle® collection is a lightweight fabric (4.5 oz\/yd² (153 g\/m²)) that feels blissful to wear all year round. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: The classic fit with the crew neckline deliver a clean, versatile style that can match any occasion, whether it's formal or semi-formal. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: All shirts feature a pearlized, tear-away label for total wearing comfort. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: Made using ethically grown and harvested US cotton. Gildan is also a proud member of the US Cotton Trust Protocol ensuring ethical and sustainable means of production. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: This blank tee is certified by OEKO-TEX® STANDARD 100 (Certificate No. 168252, OETI - Institut fuer Oekologie) for safety and quality assurance.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: Fabric blends: Heather colors - 35% ring-spun cotton, 65% polyester; Sport Grey and Antique colors - 90% cotton, 10% polyester, Graphite Heather - 50% ring-spun cotton, 50% polyester\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Dark Chocolate","offer_id":49123616358518,"sku":"24621645134429933475","price":25.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Light Blue","offer_id":49123616391286,"sku":"33316067313252890814","price":28.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Navy","offer_id":49123616424054,"sku":"12608399561934528511","price":28.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ 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\u003cthead\u003e\n                \u003ctr\u003e\n                    \u003cth style=\"padding:10px;\"\u003e\u003c\/th\u003e\n                    \u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e11oz\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e15oz\u003c\/th\u003e\n                \u003c\/tr\u003e\n            \u003c\/thead\u003e\n            \u003ctbody\u003e\n                \n                    \u003ctr\u003e\n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            Height, in\n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            3.78 \n                        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style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            3.39 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                    \u003c\/tr\u003e\n               \n            \u003c\/tbody\u003e\n        \u003c\/table\u003e\n        \u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eA Signature Worth Showing Off!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFeaturing the Professor's distinctive signature and illustrated likeness, this coffee mug combines classic academic charm with the unmistakable personality of the University of Shitty Advice. The elegant black signature stands out against the clean white exterior, while the vibrant red interior and matching rim add a bold splash of color. It's a simple yet distinctive design that lets everyone know you've got excellent taste—even if your advice occasionally suggests otherwise!\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Perfect Gift for Students, Graduates, and Coffee Lovers!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eLooking for a memorable gift for someone who has everything except a little common sense? Look no further! This mug makes a fantastic birthday present, holiday gift, office surprise, or graduation keepsake for students and supporters of the University of Shitty Advice. It's equally at home on an office desk, kitchen counter, or study table. 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border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e3.23\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e3.39\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eA Signature Worth Showing Off!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFeaturing the Professor's distinctive signature and illustrated likeness, this coffee mug combines classic academic charm with the unmistakable personality of the University of Shitty Advice. The elegant black signature stands out against the clean white exterior, while the vibrant red interior and matching rim add a bold splash of color. It's a simple yet distinctive design that lets everyone know you've got excellent taste—even if your advice occasionally suggests otherwise!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Perfect Gift for Students, Graduates, and Coffee Lovers!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLooking for a memorable gift for someone who has everything except a little common sense? Look no further! This mug makes a fantastic birthday present, holiday gift, office surprise, or graduation keepsake for students and supporters of the University of Shitty Advice. It's equally at home on an office desk, kitchen counter, or study table. Whether you're sipping morning coffee, afternoon tea, or your favorite hot beverage, you'll be doing it with the Professor's unmistakable style.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e- White ceramic mug with a contrasting colored interior and C-shaped handle\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e- Available in 11oz and 15oz sizes\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e- Vibrant, crisp printed design with eye-catching color contrast\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e- Microwave-safe and dishwasher-safe\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e- Lead- and BPA-free with a glossy finish\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e- Clean in dishwasher or wash by hand with warm water and dish soap\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ 11oz","offer_id":49123627532406,"sku":"33840821642637601522","price":15.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 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        \n                    \u003ctr\u003e\n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            Length, in\n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            28.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            29.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                           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style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            Size tolerance, in\n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            1.50 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                    \u003c\/tr\u003e\n               \n            \u003c\/tbody\u003e\n        \u003c\/table\u003e\n        \u003ch1\u003eUSA — University of Shitty Advice\u003c\/h1\u003e\u003ch2\u003eOfficial University T-Shirt — Multiple Colors Available\u003c\/h2\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eShow Your School Spirit. Wear Your Sarcasm. Earn Your Diploma!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWelcome to the \u003cstrong\u003eUniversity of Shitty Advice\u003c\/strong\u003e, where common sense is optional, sarcasm is practically a required course, and Professor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III is dedicated to educating the world's most entertaining minds! Whether you're a proud student, an aspiring graduate, or someone who simply appreciates a good laugh, this official university T-shirt is the perfect way to show your school spirit with a little attitude.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDisclaimer\u003c\/strong\u003e:\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Due to the fabric properties, the White color variant may appear off-white rather than bright white.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Sleeve prints and neck labels are produced using DTF (Direct-to-Film) printing technology. This applies only to products fulfilled by the print providers OPT OnDemand and Shirt Monkey among the providers offering this item.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: Made with 100% ring-spun cotton, the Gildan 64000 from the Gildan Softstyle® collection is a lightweight fabric (4.5 oz\/yd² (153 g\/m²)) that feels blissful to wear all year round. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: The classic fit with the crew neckline deliver a clean, versatile style that can match any occasion, whether it's formal or semi-formal. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: All shirts feature a pearlized, tear-away label for total wearing comfort. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: Made using ethically grown and harvested US cotton. Gildan is also a proud member of the US Cotton Trust Protocol ensuring ethical and sustainable means of production. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: This blank tee is certified by OEKO-TEX® STANDARD 100 (Certificate No. 168252, OETI - Institut fuer Oekologie) for safety and quality assurance.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: Fabric blends: Heather colors - 35% ring-spun cotton, 65% polyester; Sport Grey and Antique colors - 90% cotton, 10% polyester, Graphite Heather - 50% ring-spun cotton, 50% polyester\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct information\u003c\/strong\u003e: Gildan 64000, two year warranty in the EU and Northern Ireland\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWarnings, Hazard\u003c\/strong\u003e: For adults\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e: Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), with similar colors , Do not bleach, Tumble dry: low heat, Iron, steam or dry: low heat, Do not 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style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            Width, in\n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            15.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                    \u003c\/tr\u003e\n               \n                    \u003ctr\u003e\n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            Length, in\n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            3.75 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                    \u003c\/tr\u003e\n               \n            \u003c\/tbody\u003e\n        \u003c\/table\u003e\n        \u003ch3\u003eAT LEAST BUY ME DINNER BEFORE YOU RIDE MY ASS!\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOfficial University of Shitty Advice Bumper Sticker \u003c\/strong\u003eBring a little good-natured wit to the road with the official University of Shitty Advice bumper sticker. The design features Professor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III delivering a playful message to tailgaters: \"At least buy me dinner before you ride my ass.\" It's a humorous reminder that turns everyday frustration into a moment of laughter. With bold red text, gold accents, and the Professor's unmistakable portrait and signature, it stands out clearly on any car, truck, or SUV. It's not just a joke, it's a conversation starter. Printed in the classic 11-by-3-inch bumper sticker size, it fits most vehicles and stays readable from a distance. It's a fun, memorable gift for anyone who appreciates clever humor and bold personality. Add it to your cart today and let the Professor do the talking the next time someone gets too close. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Bright, crisp colors produced with modern printing techniques\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Premium water-resistant vinyl rated to last over five years outdoors\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Smooth matte finish for a clean, low-glare appearance\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- UV-protective matte laminate helps shield the sticker from the elements\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Waterproof adhesive, easy-peel backing, and indoor\/outdoor suitability\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Use a soft, clean and dry cloth to gently brush any dust or dirt off from the center of the sticker outwards.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"15\" × 3.75\" \/ Rectangle \/ White","offer_id":49123638804598,"sku":"13191357822708664149","price":10.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0728\/6063\/1158\/files\/17351107655143972765_2048.jpg?v=1792852140"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0728\/6063\/1158\/collections\/new_crest.png?v=1792861455","url":"https:\/\/shop.shittyadvicenow.com\/collections\/frontpage.oembed","provider":"U.S.A University Of Shitty Advice","version":"1.0","type":"link"}