Welcome to the Professor's Official Merchandise Store

Shitty Advice Now™ | USA — University of Shitty Advice

Where Intelligence Is Optional, Sarcasm Is Mandatory, and Good Taste Is Highly Questionable.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce myself.

I am Professor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III, founder of the prestigious USA — University of Shitty Advice, professional observer of human stupidity, and a distinguished gentleman who has spent far too many years wondering how certain individuals manage to survive without written instructions.

After decades of witnessing spectacularly poor decisions, questionable intelligence, and an alarming shortage of common sense, I've reached one undeniable conclusion:

You can't fix stupid. But you can certainly make a few dollars selling it a T-shirt.

And that, my intellectually challenged friends, is precisely why you're here.

Welcome to my official merchandise collection, featuring T-shirts, hoodies, coffee mugs, hats, and other magnificent creations inspired by my observations of the human condition.

Perhaps you need a coffee mug to help you tolerate the morning parade of idiots. Maybe you'd prefer a hoodie that proudly announces your membership in the University of Shitty Advice. Or perhaps you're searching for the perfect gift for that special someone whose decision-making abilities resemble those of a confused squirrel.

Whatever the occasion, I've got something for you.

Every item is designed to deliver a healthy dose of sarcasm, questionable wisdom, and the occasional uncomfortable truth.

And for my distinguished university students and alumni:

Wear your university merchandise with pride. After all, you've worked exceptionally hard to earn an education that most people receive simply by watching their relatives make terrible decisions.

Remember our university's official motto:

"We can't fix stupid, but we can damn sure give it a diploma."

So browse the collection, select your merchandise, and treat yourself to something extraordinary.

And please, for the love of common sense, double-check your shipping address before placing your order. I can provide the merchandise, but I cannot personally supervise every questionable decision you make.

With questionable admiration and unwavering sarcasm,

Professor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III

Founder and Chancellor, USA — University of Shitty Advice

Chief Advisor, Shitty Advice Now™

"Have You Asked the Professor?"