{"title":"The Professor's Collection","description":"\u003ch1\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWelcome to the Professor's Official Merchandise Store\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h1\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003e\u003cspan\u003eShitty Advice Now™ | USA — University of Shitty Advice\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhere Intelligence Is Optional, Sarcasm Is Mandatory, and Good Taste Is Highly Questionable.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLadies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce myself.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eI am \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003eProfessor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cspan\u003e, founder of the prestigious USA — University of Shitty Advice, professional observer of human stupidity, and a distinguished gentleman who has spent far too many years wondering how certain individuals manage to survive without written instructions.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAfter decades of witnessing spectacularly poor decisions, questionable intelligence, and an alarming shortage of common sense, I've reached one undeniable conclusion:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou can't fix stupid. But you can certainly make a few dollars selling it a T-shirt.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAnd that, my intellectually challenged friends, is precisely why you're here.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWelcome to my official merchandise collection, featuring T-shirts, hoodies, coffee mugs, hats, and other magnificent creations inspired by my observations of the human condition.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerhaps you need a coffee mug to help you tolerate the morning parade of idiots. Maybe you'd prefer a hoodie that proudly announces your membership in the University of Shitty Advice. Or perhaps you're searching for the perfect gift for that special someone whose decision-making abilities resemble those of a confused squirrel.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhatever the occasion, I've got something for you.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEvery item is designed to deliver a healthy dose of sarcasm, questionable wisdom, and the occasional uncomfortable truth.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAnd for my distinguished university students and alumni:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWear your university merchandise with pride. After all, you've worked exceptionally hard to earn an education that most people receive simply by watching their relatives make terrible decisions.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eRemember our university's official motto:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\"We can't fix stupid, but we can damn sure give it a diploma.\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSo browse the collection, select your merchandise, and treat yourself to something extraordinary.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAnd please, for the love of common sense, double-check your shipping address before placing your order. I can provide the merchandise, but I cannot personally supervise every questionable decision you make.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWith questionable admiration and unwavering sarcasm,\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003eProfessor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFounder and Chancellor, USA — University of Shitty Advice\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan\u003eChief Advisor, Shitty Advice Now™\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\"Have You Asked the Professor?\"\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"shitty-advice-now-usa-graphic-hoodie","title":"The Scholars Hoodie","description":"\u003ctable id=\"size-guide\" style=\"min-width:360px;\"\u003e\n \u003cthead\u003e\n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003cth style=\"padding:10px;\"\u003e\u003c\/th\u003e\n \u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eS\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eM\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eXL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e2XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e3XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \u003c\/thead\u003e\n \u003ctbody\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Width, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 22.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 23.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 24.75 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 26.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 27.25 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 28.25 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Length, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 27.75 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 28.75 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 29.75 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 30.75 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 31.75 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 32.75 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tbody\u003e\n \u003c\/table\u003e\n \u003ch2\u003eShitty Advice Now — The Professor's Official Hoodie\u003c\/h2\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBecause Being Surrounded by Idiots Is Exhausting. You May as Well Be Comfortable.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCongratulations, you magnificent genius. You've finally made a decision that doesn't require adult supervision.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIntroducing the official \u003cstrong\u003eShitty Advice Now Hoodie\u003c\/strong\u003e, featuring the legendary Professor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III — a man who has dedicated his life to studying stupidity, exposing foolish decisions, and wondering how half the population manages to get dressed without written instructions.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Front:\u003c\/strong\u003e Features the Professor himself alongside the Shitty Advice Now logo. A distinguished gentleman with an extraordinary talent for identifying questionable intelligence before its owner even opens their mouth.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Back:\u003c\/strong\u003e Features the bold USA — University of Shitty Advice design, proudly representing the world's finest institution of questionable education and spectacularly bad advice.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAvailable in multiple colors, this hoodie is perfect for:\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAttending classes at the University of Shitty Advice.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSurviving family gatherings without losing your patience.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSitting through meetings that could've been an email.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eKeeping warm while watching society make one ridiculous decision after another.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eLetting the world know you've officially had enough of everybody's nonsense.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhether you're a student, graduate, faculty member, or simply an exhausted observer of human stupidity, this hoodie belongs in your wardrobe.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Professor's Final Advice:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"Life is full of people who make astonishingly foolish decisions. You can't avoid them, you can't educate most of them, and apparently correcting their behavior is considered impolite. So you might as well be comfortable while dealing with their nonsense.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eShitty Advice Now™\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eWear it proudly. Intelligence is optional. Sarcasm is mandatory.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOfficial Merchandise of Professor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III and the USA — University of Shitty Advice.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Soft 80% cotton and 20% polyester blend made from specially spun fibers\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Medium-heavy 9.4 oz\/yd² (320 g\/m²) fabric\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Relaxed pullover fit with drop-shoulder construction\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Self-fabric-lined hood, kangaroo pocket, and ribbed sleeve cuffs\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Preshrunk design with a tear-away label for added comfort\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Do not bleach\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Line dry\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Do not iron\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":49123606986870,"sku":"26347889121197286384","price":69.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Black","offer_id":49123607019638,"sku":"16544845086206486068","price":69.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Pine Green","offer_id":49123607052406,"sku":"19143973653440124412","price":69.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Cobalt","offer_id":49123607085174,"sku":"35532352755822184146","price":69.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":49123607117942,"sku":"29908853399963762688","price":69.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Black","offer_id":49123607150710,"sku":"20748113123027413465","price":69.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Pine 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Black","offer_id":49123607642230,"sku":"26242860055432774024","price":69.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ Pine Green","offer_id":49123607674998,"sku":"12408809621164109165","price":69.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ Cobalt","offer_id":49123607707766,"sku":"21793481796580151594","price":69.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0728\/6063\/1158\/files\/8945069485166494283_2048.jpg?v=1792852001"},{"product_id":"copy-of-copy-of-unisex-softstyle-t-shirt","title":"USA — University of Shitty Advice Official Professor's Signature T-Shirt","description":"\u003ctable id=\"size-guide\" style=\"min-width:360px;\"\u003e\n \u003cthead\u003e\n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003cth style=\"padding:10px;\"\u003e\u003c\/th\u003e\n \u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eS\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eM\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eXL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e2XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e3XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \u003c\/thead\u003e\n \u003ctbody\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Width, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 18.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 20.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 22.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 24.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 26.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 28.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Length, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 28.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 29.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 30.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 31.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 32.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 33.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Sleeve length, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 8.23 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 8.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 8.74 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 9.02 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 9.25 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 9.49 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Size tolerance, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tbody\u003e\n \u003c\/table\u003e\n \u003ch1\u003eUSA — University of Shitty Advice\u003c\/h1\u003e\u003ch2\u003eOfficial University T-Shirt — Multiple Colors Available\u003c\/h2\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eShow Your School Spirit. Wear Your Sarcasm. Earn Your Diploma!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWelcome to the \u003cstrong\u003eUniversity of Shitty Advice\u003c\/strong\u003e, where common sense is optional, sarcasm is practically a required course, and Professor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III is dedicated to educating the world's most entertaining minds! Whether you're a proud student, an aspiring graduate, or someone who simply appreciates a good laugh, this official university T-shirt is the perfect way to show your school spirit with a little attitude.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDisclaimer\u003c\/strong\u003e:\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Due to the fabric properties, the White color variant may appear off-white rather than bright white.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Sleeve prints and neck labels are produced using DTF (Direct-to-Film) printing technology. This applies only to products fulfilled by the print providers OPT OnDemand and Shirt Monkey among the providers offering this item.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: Made with 100% ring-spun cotton, the Gildan 64000 from the Gildan Softstyle® collection is a lightweight fabric (4.5 oz\/yd² (153 g\/m²)) that feels blissful to wear all year round. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: The classic fit with the crew neckline deliver a clean, versatile style that can match any occasion, whether it's formal or semi-formal. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: All shirts feature a pearlized, tear-away label for total wearing comfort. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: Made using ethically grown and harvested US cotton. Gildan is also a proud member of the US Cotton Trust Protocol ensuring ethical and sustainable means of production. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: This blank tee is certified by OEKO-TEX® STANDARD 100 (Certificate No. 168252, OETI - Institut fuer Oekologie) for safety and quality assurance.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: Fabric blends: Heather colors - 35% ring-spun cotton, 65% polyester; Sport Grey and Antique colors - 90% cotton, 10% polyester, Graphite Heather - 50% ring-spun cotton, 50% polyester\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003ch1\u003eUSA — University of Shitty Advice Official Professor's Signature T-Shirt\u003c\/h1\u003e\u003ch3\u003eA Distinguished Shirt for People of Questionable Intelligence.\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eLadies and gentlemen, Professor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III here.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThroughout my distinguished academic career, I've encountered thousands of individuals who proudly display their college apparel, university degrees, and academic achievements.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eUnfortunately, many of these same individuals couldn't find their own backside with both hands and a detailed set of instructions.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWhich brings me to this magnificent creation.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Official Professor's Signature T-Shirt from the USA — University of Shitty Advice.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFeaturing my distinguished signature and pipe-smoking likeness on the front, this shirt offers an understated display of academic sophistication.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBut turn around, and you'll reveal the magnificent Victorian-inspired crest of the USA — University of Shitty Advice, accompanied by my signature.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBecause sometimes the best way to make a statement is to let the people standing behind you read it.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eWhy This Shirt Belongs in Your Wardrobe\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe Professor's Signature on the Front:\u003c\/strong\u003e A tasteful display of my distinguished signature and unmistakable likeness.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eOfficial University Crest on the Back:\u003c\/strong\u003e Featuring our magnificent USA — University of Shitty Advice emblem.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMultiple Colors Available:\u003c\/strong\u003e Choose the color that best complements your personality, assuming you've managed to develop one.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic Everyday Style:\u003c\/strong\u003e Perfect for casual outings, university gatherings, family reunions, or surviving another day among the intellectually challenged.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe Perfect Gift:\u003c\/strong\u003e Ideal for students, graduates, sarcastic friends, coworkers, and anyone who appreciates a little brutally honest humor.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003eA Final Word From the Professor\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"My dear friends, wearing this shirt will not make you smarter. It will not improve your judgment, increase your intelligence, or prevent you from making another spectacularly stupid decision.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBut it will make you look like you've attended a prestigious university.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAnd considering the number of idiots walking around with actual college degrees, I'd say that puts you in excellent company.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eNow purchase the damn shirt. Your wardrobe could use a little education.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eEnroll in style. Wear your questionable academic achievements with pride.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e— \u003cstrong\u003eProfessor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eFounder of Shitty Advice Now™\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eChancellor, USA — University of Shitty Advice\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\"We can't fix stupid, but we can damn sure give it a diploma.\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct information\u003c\/strong\u003e: Gildan 64000, two year warranty in the EU and Northern Ireland\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWarnings, Hazard\u003c\/strong\u003e: For adults\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e: Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), with similar colors , Do not bleach, Tumble dry: low heat, Iron, steam or dry: low heat, Do not dryclean\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Dark Chocolate","offer_id":49123616358518,"sku":"24621645134429933475","price":25.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Light Blue","offer_id":49123616391286,"sku":"33316067313252890814","price":28.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Navy","offer_id":49123616424054,"sku":"12608399561934528511","price":28.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Red","offer_id":49123616456822,"sku":"15560252387645272250","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Royal","offer_id":49123616489590,"sku":"15153613615903944294","price":28.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ Sport Grey","offer_id":49123616522358,"sku":"17731669070258654336","price":28.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ 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82);\"\u003eDiameter, in\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd data-row=\"3\" style=\"word-break: break-word; border-top: 1px solid rgb(237, 237, 237); font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(82, 82, 82);\"\u003e3.23\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd data-row=\"3\" style=\"word-break: break-word; border-top: 1px solid rgb(237, 237, 237); font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(82, 82, 82);\"\u003e3.39\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\u003c\/table\u003e\u003ch1\u003eThe Professor's Signature Coffee Mug\u003c\/h1\u003e\u003ch3\u003eA Signature Worth Showing Off!\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eLadies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce a coffee mug worthy of a distinguished scholar — or at least someone who desperately needs a little caffeine before dealing with the intellectually challenged.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eI am \u003cstrong\u003eProfessor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III\u003c\/strong\u003e, and I firmly believe that coffee is not merely a beverage. It is a morning requirement for dealing with dumbasses.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFeaturing the Professor's distinctive signature and illustrated pipe-smoking likeness, this coffee mug combines classic academic charm with the unmistakable personality of the USA — University of Shitty Advice.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eWhy This Mug Deserves a Place on Your Desk\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe Professor's Signature Design:\u003c\/strong\u003e Featuring my distinguished signature and illustrated likeness, because even your morning coffee deserves a touch of sophistication.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eClassic Ceramic Construction:\u003c\/strong\u003e Perfect for enjoying your favorite coffee, tea, or other beverage while contemplating humanity's questionable decisions.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eMultiple Color Options:\u003c\/strong\u003e Choose your favorite interior and handle color to complement your personal style.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eA Conversation Starter:\u003c\/strong\u003e Guaranteed to attract attention, although I cannot guarantee the intelligence of the conversation that follows.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe Perfect Gift:\u003c\/strong\u003e Ideal for coffee lovers, coworkers, sarcastic friends, university students, graduates, and anyone who regularly finds themselves surrounded by dumbasses.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003eA Final Word From the Professor\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"My dear intellectually challenged friends, I've spent years observing the astonishing stupidity of mankind, and I've reached one undeniable conclusion.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCoffee doesn't make people smarter. It simply makes the rest of us more tolerant of their stupidity.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eSo pour yourself a cup, take a comfortable seat, and prepare yourself for another glorious day of dealing with people who apparently received their common sense from a cereal box.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eNow purchase the damn mug. You're going to need it tomorrow morning.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOrder yours today. Because dealing with dumbasses is exhausting enough without doing it before coffee.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e— \u003cstrong\u003eProfessor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eFounder of Shitty Advice Now™\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eChancellor, USA — University of Shitty Advice\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\"We can't fix stupid, but we can damn sure give it a diploma.\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003ca href=\"http:\/\/www.shittyadvicenow.com\/\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\" target=\"_blank\"\u003ewww.ShittyAdviceNow.com\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Clean in dishwasher or wash by hand with warm water and dish soap\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ 11oz","offer_id":49123623075958,"sku":"31218584265399089153","price":15.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 11oz","offer_id":49123623108726,"sku":"20257644526401795305","price":15.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pink \/ 11oz","offer_id":49123623141494,"sku":"29578536762683671830","price":15.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 11oz","offer_id":49123623174262,"sku":"21803405157064469899","price":18.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Blue \/ 11oz","offer_id":49123623207030,"sku":"23643073444012674906","price":16.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Orange \/ 11oz","offer_id":49123623239798,"sku":"25860379827213352528","price":15.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ 11oz","offer_id":49123623272566,"sku":"17958535542744999260","price":15.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Yellow \/ 11oz","offer_id":49123623305334,"sku":"21321151223120171496","price":15.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Green \/ 11oz","offer_id":49123623338102,"sku":"28414850238045146379","price":16.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Maroon \/ 11oz","offer_id":49123623370870,"sku":"11937384425801461937","price":11.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Black \/ 15oz","offer_id":49123623403638,"sku":"20349347225060535239","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 15oz","offer_id":49123623436406,"sku":"14536572782610385008","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Pink \/ 15oz","offer_id":49123623469174,"sku":"92786732718114854376","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Red \/ 15oz","offer_id":49123623501942,"sku":"29610047337523367344","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Blue \/ 15oz","offer_id":49123623534710,"sku":"12827772694972948891","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Orange \/ 15oz","offer_id":49123623567478,"sku":"28104031448876578041","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Purple \/ 15oz","offer_id":49123623600246,"sku":"34480880813805143703","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Yellow \/ 15oz","offer_id":49123623633014,"sku":"24015643002323915547","price":21.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Blue \/ 15oz","offer_id":49123623665782,"sku":"31898521238000391299","price":13.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Light Green \/ 15oz","offer_id":49123623698550,"sku":"27994481464501253993","price":13.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Maroon \/ 15oz","offer_id":49123623731318,"sku":"18536608374585269388","price":13.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0728\/6063\/1158\/files\/15047350731575846333_2048.jpg?v=1792898325"},{"product_id":"the-professor-pipe-smoking-scholar-coffee-mug","title":"The Professor Pipe-Smoking Scholar Coffee Mug","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cimg src=\"https:\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0728\/6063\/1158\/files\/7445858013827981484_2048.jpg?v=1792853198\" alt=\"\"\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ctable id=\"size-guide\" style=\"min-width: 360px;\"\u003e\n\u003cthead\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"padding: 10px;\"\u003e\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003e11oz\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color: #000000; font-weight: 500; text-align: left; font-size: 15px; padding: 10px;\"\u003e15oz\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/thead\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003eHeight, in\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e3.78\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e4.76\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003eDiameter, in\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e3.23\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding: 10px; color: #525252; font-size: 15px; border-top: 1px solid #ededed; word-break: break-word;\"\u003e3.39\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eA Signature Worth Showing Off!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFeaturing the Professor's distinctive signature and illustrated likeness, this coffee mug combines classic academic charm with the unmistakable personality of the University of Shitty Advice. The elegant black signature stands out against the clean white exterior, while the vibrant red interior and matching rim add a bold splash of color. It's a simple yet distinctive design that lets everyone know you've got excellent taste—even if your advice occasionally suggests otherwise!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Perfect Gift for Students, Graduates, and Coffee Lovers!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLooking for a memorable gift for someone who has everything except a little common sense? Look no further! This mug makes a fantastic birthday present, holiday gift, office surprise, or graduation keepsake for students and supporters of the University of Shitty Advice. It's equally at home on an office desk, kitchen counter, or study table. Whether you're sipping morning coffee, afternoon tea, or your favorite hot beverage, you'll be doing it with the Professor's unmistakable style.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e- White ceramic mug with a contrasting colored interior and C-shaped handle\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e- Available in 11oz and 15oz sizes\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e- Vibrant, crisp printed design with eye-catching color contrast\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e- Microwave-safe and dishwasher-safe\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e- Lead- and BPA-free with a glossy finish\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e- Clean in dishwasher or wash by hand with warm water and dish soap\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Black \/ 11oz","offer_id":49123627532406,"sku":"33840821642637601522","price":15.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Navy \/ 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style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 28.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Length, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 28.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 29.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 30.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 31.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 32.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 33.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Sleeve length, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 8.23 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 8.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 8.74 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 9.02 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 9.25 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 9.49 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Size tolerance, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tbody\u003e\n \u003c\/table\u003e\n \u003ch1\u003eUSA — University of Shitty Advice\u003c\/h1\u003e\u003ch2\u003eOfficial University T-Shirt — Multiple Colors Available\u003c\/h2\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eShow Your School Spirit. Wear Your Sarcasm. Earn Your Diploma!\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWelcome to the \u003cstrong\u003eUniversity of Shitty Advice\u003c\/strong\u003e, where common sense is optional, sarcasm is practically a required course, and Professor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III is dedicated to educating the world's most entertaining minds! Whether you're a proud student, an aspiring graduate, or someone who simply appreciates a good laugh, this official university T-shirt is the perfect way to show your school spirit with a little attitude.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDisclaimer\u003c\/strong\u003e:\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Due to the fabric properties, the White color variant may appear off-white rather than bright white.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Sleeve prints and neck labels are produced using DTF (Direct-to-Film) printing technology. This applies only to products fulfilled by the print providers OPT OnDemand and Shirt Monkey among the providers offering this item.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: Made with 100% ring-spun cotton, the Gildan 64000 from the Gildan Softstyle® collection is a lightweight fabric (4.5 oz\/yd² (153 g\/m²)) that feels blissful to wear all year round. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: The classic fit with the crew neckline deliver a clean, versatile style that can match any occasion, whether it's formal or semi-formal. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: All shirts feature a pearlized, tear-away label for total wearing comfort. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: Made using ethically grown and harvested US cotton. Gildan is also a proud member of the US Cotton Trust Protocol ensuring ethical and sustainable means of production. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: This blank tee is certified by OEKO-TEX® STANDARD 100 (Certificate No. 168252, OETI - Institut fuer Oekologie) for safety and quality assurance.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e.: Fabric blends: Heather colors - 35% ring-spun cotton, 65% polyester; Sport Grey and Antique colors - 90% cotton, 10% polyester, Graphite Heather - 50% ring-spun cotton, 50% polyester\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct information\u003c\/strong\u003e: Gildan 64000, two year warranty in the EU and Northern Ireland\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWarnings, Hazard\u003c\/strong\u003e: For adults\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e: Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), with similar colors , Do not bleach, Tumble dry: low heat, Iron, steam or dry: low heat, Do not 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style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 15.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Length, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 3.75 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tbody\u003e\n \u003c\/table\u003e\n \u003ch3\u003eAT LEAST BUY ME DINNER BEFORE YOU RIDE MY ASS!\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOfficial University of Shitty Advice Bumper Sticker \u003c\/strong\u003eBring a little good-natured wit to the road with the official University of Shitty Advice bumper sticker. The design features Professor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III delivering a playful message to tailgaters: \"At least buy me dinner before you ride my ass.\" It's a humorous reminder that turns everyday frustration into a moment of laughter. With bold red text, gold accents, and the Professor's unmistakable portrait and signature, it stands out clearly on any car, truck, or SUV. It's not just a joke, it's a conversation starter. Printed in the classic 11-by-3-inch bumper sticker size, it fits most vehicles and stays readable from a distance. It's a fun, memorable gift for anyone who appreciates clever humor and bold personality. Add it to your cart today and let the Professor do the talking the next time someone gets too close. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Bright, crisp colors produced with modern printing techniques\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Premium water-resistant vinyl rated to last over five years outdoors\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Smooth matte finish for a clean, low-glare appearance\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- UV-protective matte laminate helps shield the sticker from the elements\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Waterproof adhesive, easy-peel backing, and indoor\/outdoor suitability\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Use a soft, clean and dry cloth to gently brush any dust or dirt off from the center of the sticker outwards.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"15\" × 3.75\" \/ Rectangle \/ White","offer_id":49123638804598,"sku":"13191357822708664149","price":10.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0728\/6063\/1158\/files\/17351107655143972765_2048.jpg?v=1792852140"},{"product_id":"usa-university-of-shitty-advice-signature-sherpa-fleece-blanket","title":"USA — University of Shitty Advice Signature Sherpa Fleece Blanket","description":"\u003ctable id=\"size-guide\" style=\"min-width:360px;\"\u003e\n \u003cthead\u003e\n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003cth style=\"padding:10px;\"\u003e\u003c\/th\u003e\n \u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e30\" × 40\"\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e50\" × 60\"\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e60\" × 80\"\u003c\/th\u003e\n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \u003c\/thead\u003e\n \u003ctbody\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Width, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 30.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 50.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 60.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Height, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 40.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 60.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 80.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tbody\u003e\n \u003c\/table\u003e\n \u003ch1\u003eUSA — University of Shitty Advice Signature Sherpa Fleece Blanket\u003c\/h1\u003e\u003ch3\u003eBecause Being Surrounded by Dumbasses Is Exhausting.\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eLadies and gentlemen, Professor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III here.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAfter a long day of witnessing humanity make one spectacularly stupid decision after another, even a distinguished scholar such as myself needs somewhere comfortable to retreat.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAllow me to introduce the \u003cstrong\u003eUSA — University of Shitty Advice Signature Sherpa Fleece Blanket\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFeaturing our magnificent Victorian-inspired university crest, my distinguished signature, and the official university motto:\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e“We can't fix stupid, but we can damn sure give it a diploma.”\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis blanket is more than a cozy addition to your home. It's a declaration that you've had quite enough of the world's nonsense for one day.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eWhy You Deserve This Magnificent Blanket\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDistinguished University Design:\u003c\/strong\u003e Proudly displays the ornate USA — University of Shitty Advice crest and the Professor's signature.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCozy Sherpa Comfort:\u003c\/strong\u003e Perfect for curling up on the couch, relaxing in your favorite chair, or recovering from another day surrounded by questionable intelligence.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eA Touch of Academic Elegance:\u003c\/strong\u003e A striking addition to your bedroom, living room, or personal sanctuary.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe Perfect Gift:\u003c\/strong\u003e Ideal for university students, graduates, sarcastic friends, exhausted parents, and anyone whose patience with humanity is running dangerously low.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eOfficial University Spirit:\u003c\/strong\u003e Because a true scholar should be comfortable while contemplating the astonishing stupidity of mankind.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003eA Final Word From the Professor\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"My dear intellectually challenged friends, I cannot promise this blanket will make you smarter, improve your judgment, or prevent your relatives from saying something incredibly stupid at Thanksgiving dinner.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBut I can promise you this: when the world becomes too ridiculous to tolerate, there's nothing quite like wrapping yourself in a comfortable blanket and pretending the rest of humanity doesn't exist.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eNow purchase one, get comfortable, and for once in your life, make a decision that actually makes sense.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOrder yours today. Even brilliant minds need a break from idiots.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e— \u003cstrong\u003eProfessor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eFounder of Shitty Advice Now™\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eChancellor, USA — University of Shitty Advice\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- 100% polyester fleece, 1\/8 inch (3 mm) thick for warmth and softness\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Plush Sherpa fleece backside with a velvety, cozy feel\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- One-sided printed design with an ornate university-style “Shitty Advice” graphic\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Hemmed edges for added durability and long-lasting use\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Available in three sizes; finished dimensions may vary by +\/- 3 inches\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Wash the item only cold machine wash with similar colors garments using a gentle cycle. 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