{"product_id":"usa-university-of-shitty-advice-signature-sherpa-fleece-blanket","title":"USA — University of Shitty Advice Signature Sherpa Fleece Blanket","description":"\u003ctable id=\"size-guide\" style=\"min-width:360px;\"\u003e\n            \u003cthead\u003e\n                \u003ctr\u003e\n                    \u003cth style=\"padding:10px;\"\u003e\u003c\/th\u003e\n                    \u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e30\" × 40\"\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e50\" × 60\"\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e60\" × 80\"\u003c\/th\u003e\n                \u003c\/tr\u003e\n            \u003c\/thead\u003e\n            \u003ctbody\u003e\n                \n                    \u003ctr\u003e\n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            Width, in\n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            30.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            50.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            60.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                    \u003c\/tr\u003e\n               \n                    \u003ctr\u003e\n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            Height, in\n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            40.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            60.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                        \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n                            80.00 \n                        \u003c\/td\u003e\n                                        \n                    \u003c\/tr\u003e\n               \n            \u003c\/tbody\u003e\n        \u003c\/table\u003e\n        \u003ch1\u003eUSA — University of Shitty Advice Signature Sherpa Fleece Blanket\u003c\/h1\u003e\u003ch3\u003eBecause Being Surrounded by Dumbasses Is Exhausting.\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003eLadies and gentlemen, Professor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III here.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAfter a long day of witnessing humanity make one spectacularly stupid decision after another, even a distinguished scholar such as myself needs somewhere comfortable to retreat.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eAllow me to introduce the \u003cstrong\u003eUSA — University of Shitty Advice Signature Sherpa Fleece Blanket\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eFeaturing our magnificent Victorian-inspired university crest, my distinguished signature, and the official university motto:\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e“We can't fix stupid, but we can damn sure give it a diploma.”\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThis blanket is more than a cozy addition to your home. It's a declaration that you've had quite enough of the world's nonsense for one day.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eWhy You Deserve This Magnificent Blanket\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDistinguished University Design:\u003c\/strong\u003e Proudly displays the ornate USA — University of Shitty Advice crest and the Professor's signature.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eCozy Sherpa Comfort:\u003c\/strong\u003e Perfect for curling up on the couch, relaxing in your favorite chair, or recovering from another day surrounded by questionable intelligence.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eA Touch of Academic Elegance:\u003c\/strong\u003e A striking addition to your bedroom, living room, or personal sanctuary.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe Perfect Gift:\u003c\/strong\u003e Ideal for university students, graduates, sarcastic friends, exhausted parents, and anyone whose patience with humanity is running dangerously low.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eOfficial University Spirit:\u003c\/strong\u003e Because a true scholar should be comfortable while contemplating the astonishing stupidity of mankind.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003ch3\u003eA Final Word From the Professor\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cp\u003e\"My dear intellectually challenged friends, I cannot promise this blanket will make you smarter, improve your judgment, or prevent your relatives from saying something incredibly stupid at Thanksgiving dinner.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eBut I can promise you this: when the world becomes too ridiculous to tolerate, there's nothing quite like wrapping yourself in a comfortable blanket and pretending the rest of humanity doesn't exist.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eNow purchase one, get comfortable, and for once in your life, make a decision that actually makes sense.\"\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOrder yours today. Even brilliant minds need a break from idiots.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e— \u003cstrong\u003eProfessor Cornelius Absalom Fitch-Pemberton Bullshiton III\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eFounder of Shitty Advice Now™\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eChancellor, USA — University of Shitty Advice\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- 100% polyester fleece, 1\/8 inch (3 mm) thick for warmth and softness\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Plush Sherpa fleece backside with a velvety, cozy feel\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- One-sided printed design with an ornate university-style “Shitty Advice” graphic\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Hemmed edges for added durability and long-lasting use\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Available in three sizes; finished dimensions may vary by +\/- 3 inches\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Wash the item only cold machine wash with similar colors garments using a gentle cycle. Tumble dry on low settings or hang dry. Do not bleach or dry clean. \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"30\" × 40\"","offer_id":49127407779958,"sku":"27952899049439886837","price":43.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"50\" × 60\"","offer_id":49127407812726,"sku":"15519328156426987532","price":67.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"60\" × 80\"","offer_id":49127407845494,"sku":"15886839986459526684","price":84.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0728\/6063\/1158\/files\/9679813340887781899_2048.jpg?v=1792897702","url":"https:\/\/shop.shittyadvicenow.com\/products\/usa-university-of-shitty-advice-signature-sherpa-fleece-blanket","provider":"U.S.A University Of Shitty Advice","version":"1.0","type":"link"}